Wednesday, January 30, 2013

gold for lady pele

when i was 5, my father gave me a gold charm, a small circle with my initials in the center. since i was only 5, the charm was put away for safe keeping.

after my father passed away a few years ago, i finally put the adored charm on a chain. i wear it, and i think that my father is with me, conducted in gold. but now i am starting to fret over the gold charm. i wonder, when i put the necklace on in the morning- will i lose my dad's charm today? will it fall off my neck in the grocery store? or the garden? will it be many hours later, after it has been lost in some mysterious location, that i reach up to touch my neck and discover the charm is gone?

i worry that i will lose the necklace, and what worries me most is i will not know where i lost it. i will wonder for the rest of my life, where did it go? did someone find it? is my father's charm lost from me forever? 

i brought the necklace with me to hawaii last summer, and considered losing it on purpose. this charm is one of my most precious things. if i give my father's charm to pele, it will not be lost. it will no longer be in my possession, certainly-- but i will always know where it is at, and this brings me great peace. 

i will not have to wonder if it fell from my neck in yoga class or on a hike or at the post office. the location of my lost charm will not nag at me at night because it will not be lost. if the charm is resting securely with pele, then i will rest securely too. it seems odd to fret over losing something so precious-- i could put it in a box for safekeeping, but i like wearing it. and i do not like to worry. i want to make a pre-emptive strike at my worry. i want to lose the charm on purpose and i want pele to have it. 

it is said that pele set fire to her home (tahiti? lemuria?). some of us have to set fire to our homes and set out for new lands and new people-- and some of us might have a good luck charm to lead the way.

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