Tuesday, March 01, 2011

fashion tips for ladies

angel was an administrative assistant in an academic department where i was employed ever so briefly as a student worker. there was a professor visiting the department that semester from a big name university back east, and she was fond of the l.l. bean and land's end catalogs. and hey, who doesn't need a little fleece? but mostly, this visiting professor was a big fan of the turtleneck dress. not the sexy double knit turtleneck dress that hugs a lady's curves and looks smart with a belt and leather boots. no.

this was really just an orange turtleneck of lengthy proportions.

one day, while dressed in her long orange turtleneck dress, the visiting professor's back was to me as she spoke with angel. i paused from my envelope stuffing for a moment to take in the full effect of the ensemble.  the visiting professor wore the long, orange turtleneck dress sans belt, with brown hiking boots and chunky socks. overall, the effect was rather bottom heavy and cone-like.  inspired, i quickly drew up something that looks like this:

thank goodness for orange highlighter pens.

i am not in the habit of mocking other ladies for their unfortunate fashion choices. however, it was a rather compelling set of circumstances. seated behind the professor, i held up the drawing  for angel's benefit as the discussion of copy codes and scantron sheets continued. angel coughed softly as she stifled a giggle, and really, we've been great friends ever since. one of the most important things to be learned in women's studies is either you wear orange, or it wears you.

ladies, remember, the turtleneck dress is a mostly bad idea and must be used with
extreme caution.

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